


it's a long way down

by dryadfiona



Category: Choice of the Vampire
Genre: Character Study, F/F, kinda. idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 18:40:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12114816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dryadfiona/pseuds/dryadfiona
Summary: Lise has never been particularly religious, but love changes things.





	it's a long way down

Given a choice, Lise would have preferred death to immortality. She misses her family, her old life, life in general, really. Of course, she  _wasn't_ given a choice--pinned from the debris of a battle, blood she couldn't (wouldn't) stop drinking.

Decades later, her throat was still so dry.

She never used to think about her past, preferring to merely deal with the hand she had been dealt.

That was before  _her_.

She has never felt so deeply before. In her darker moments, she has killed not merely to feed but for the sake of killing, waving off her discomfort with some vague idea of divine right. The shepherds and wolves dilemma wasn't a dilemma if you never seriously thought about your actions.

But now.

Clotho changes everything. She feels more,  _believes_ more--she had truly believed there was a scientific explanation for  _vampirism._ But there is no logical explanation for some of what Clotho can do, for what Lise  _feels_ , for a certainty she knows they both feel that they will go beyond...this. Whatever this may be.

As much as she loves Clotho, she's struggling with the deeper implications of everything she's taught her.

There isn't merely science. Therefore, there is (likely) a higher power. Therefore, there is God?

Therefore...there is a hell.

As a mortal, her family had been somewhat conservative--her dominus felt like a step into a new world before he'd turned her.

Lise is not under any impressions about where she is going, if there is somewhere to go. She has killed. She has killed the highborn, the artist, the innocent--and she cannot really claim remorse. More accurately, she is only remorseful  _now_ , after her.

She feels as though she can divide her life into before death, after death, and after Clotho. A.C.

The first time she realized,  _really_ realized Clotho was going to die was after the goat (Lise is still close to double-death by embarrassment, no matter how well it worked out). A business transaction, the ones Clotho made every day, went wrong, and her client came after her with a knife.

Clotho took care of it before Lise could (which is saying something, supernatural speed notwithstanding), didn't even seem shaken. She hadn't realized how dangerous her love's life was.

Danger felt new, too.

Jesse still mocks her for her tender heart, as if she cares about the feelings of her broodmate. The more time she spends with Clotho, the less she tolerates the backbiting of her kind. Estefania is the only one of whom she genuinely feels as if she could spend more than a couple minutes at a time with, and she's sure that's at least in part because of her kindness.

Her faith?

 _Still_ , Lise thinks as she lies (unsleeping, as always) next to Clotho, the woman who has changed everything,  _no matter what God or the gods or whatever is out there has in store for me when I pass, I have her._

Clotho shifts, exposing her neck, and Lise doesn't even think about biting her, and not just because of the blood-drunkeness.

 _I will always have her_.


End file.
